Going from "Blame On to Game On"

Subtitle: "How forgiveness forges the path to wholeness"

Blame On: "Holding other people responsible for our current situation. Being in a place emotionally where you think about the hurt you endured and how they caused your pain rehearsing in your mind what you should have said or done. You may even be in a state of mind of wanting to seek revenge or compensation via a lawsuit."

Game On: "Coming to a level of acceptance for our actions, the actions of others and even moving to forgive people who have unintentionally or intentionally cause you harm so as to move forward with your life. This act frees the mind to set a course for clear personal and career changing action steps."

We live in a culture where the Blame Game is pretty prevalent and it convenient is it not. I mean, why take ownership for our own mistakes; and why forgive people who have intentionally harmed us? The reality is that unforgiveness and not accepting responsibility for our own actions is a car accident in the making. We are on a collision course emotionally and our private and personal lives suffer. I have heard it said that not forgiving someone, holding a grudge, is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.

What I want to explore on a very personal level is how to go from blame on to game on. (refer to the definition above), What I mean is moving from a stance where we are held back by our personal pain to moving forward in our lives to greater adventures. I would be remiss if I did not share my personal journey with you and discuss what needs to take place to be in a state of "game on".

My journey as a life coach started in mid 2017 after I made a career move from working as a mental health professional with the state of Missouri, to working with a not for profit mental health center near my home. I was eligible to retire as a state employee and had an opportunity present itself and was encouraged by my COO to take a position with the community mental health center. I remember for the first time having the opportunity to negotiate my own salary and was able to gain an additional $15,000 a year income. I remember how excited I was to have an organization seek me out for my expertise in working with the homeless population. I was in a position where I was valued on multiple levels.

Launching a new program created an air of excitement for me. I love starting new programs, projects etc. Starting something that is new from the ground up really gets my creative juices flowing. I quickly helped develop what the structure of the program would look like including being able to name the program; graphics and all. Yet there was also a learning curve, working in state government and moving to a not for profit came with many challenges. I was trying to learn from my supervisor, launch a new program, hire a team, prepare for a survey all at the same time. The challenge in all of this was not only shifting how I viewed treatment as a professional, it was creating a new team. People will vie for power, have their own agendas, they may have a completely different mindset to how a new organization inside a large organization should operate. Those differences can become magnified over time if you are not clear on your mission and purpose. I found myself over and over conveying to my team the mission and began to see the way to our mission was in conflict with the person who hired me.

Perhaps you have had a clarity or mission vision shift in your world, organization or relationships that is creating confusion in your life. Perhaps you felt you knew the way forward, had a clear sense of the mission, only to learn you are in conflict with your perception versus your supervisors interpretation. This creates conflict professionally and personally that if not resolved leads to your demise. There can also be irreconcilable differences and you will need to make choices you never thought you would need to make.

What is the way forward in either of these scenarios? Differences in interpretation of the mission. In a coaching session I would help my client flesh out what they see as their mission and what feedback they are receiving from their supervisor. What has been written down? What is the official dialogue of the organization as to their mission and how your position is to promote this mission. We might discuss a formal or informal meeting with their supervisor where you can further flesh out the mission and how to achieve this in your position. Discuss how to promote this in your work unit so that their is clarity. Develop a plan of action for the following:

1. Formal or Informal Meeting with your supervisor

2. Discuss how to implement the mission.

3. Discuss how to inform and work towards the mission for your work unit in specific ways

4. Determine what downline supervisors need to do to promote the mission of your program, work unit and organization as a whole.

Fleshing these ideas out with your life coach and implementing the hard discussions and actionable steps with your team is critical to your success.

What to do when your philosophy is in conflict with your supervisor. In any organization you may find yourself in a position where you are asked to move in a certain way to meet the tenable goals of your organization in a way that could conflict with what you believe is okay as a person. These differences could be small and manageable or they could conflict with your own philosophy on a level that you feel to move in a certain way violated how you feel you can lead. Fleshing out why you feel this way in a coaching relationship and looking at actionable steps is critical at this juncture as well. Are you confused regarding what is being asked of you. Have you taken the time to discuss the why behind what you are being asked to do. I find sometimes the conflict is a lack of understanding as to the why. Creating clarity can only happen in an open and honest discussion. As a life coach I would help my client flesh this out. Discuss with them their perceptions of what is being asked of them, ask tough questions and look at how they can discuss this to find a way forward.

The tough part is you can find yourself in a position where you understand their why; but you feel what is being asked of you is in conflict with what you feel is right. You would need to discuss with a life coach options, how to further discuss the matter, is there anyone above them you can speak with about the matter. If you do go over their head will their be any repercussions. There are many things that are very specific to this person and their organization that has to be considered. If you fail to think these concepts through, looking at a clear plan, you may fall short in your discussion and still walk away from the situation unclear of what to do. Or worse this person my decide for you. Can I tell you inaction is still a decision and it comes with consequences as well. I have found that coaches ask tough questions, make me assess at a higher level, they hold me accountable to developing an action plan and acting on that plan.

In the end, what happens for the person with a life coach is they move away from blaming their organization or supervisor about how they perceive their situation to taking personal control. Having a life coach pushes me to have tough conversations, considering multiple options, having a clear plan and acting on that plan. It is here that I personally move from Blame On to Game On. What about you; are you ready to move from the blame game to taking action and accountability? If you are give me a call and we can begin developing an action plan for your way forward.